Alison Tyler MBACP Counsellor

T 07786 528204 E contact@


Self-confidence 16th March, 2015


When you feel self-confident and have self-esteem, you feel fulfilled, your relationships are healthy, you have a sense of achievement when you undertake tasks at home or at work, you can get through adversity and suffer setbacks with strength.  Self-confidence and self-esteem mean that you can enjoy being the person that you really are.


However, when you suffer from low-self-confidence and low self-esteem, you can feel crippled.  You put off doing things that you would enjoy because you feel that somehow you don’t deserve them and this stops you from living your life with a sense of fulfilment.  Or perhaps you put others before yourself too often and end up feeling exhausted and unimportant.  Dissatisfaction at work is common as sufferers of low self-confidence can be trapped in a cycle of procrastination.  Perhaps you believe that you cannot do tasks as well as colleagues, or that your boss will never pick you and so often you do not volunteer at work.


A lack of self-confidence can lead to depression and anxiety as negative feelings are not expressed and you hide them from others and even yourself.  Lack of self-esteem often leads to loneliness as sufferers isolate themselves from social situations and often end up with friendships that are unhealthy because they struggle with assertiveness.   Sometimes negative feelings associated with low self-confidence makes it more likely that sufferers may use drugs.


What are the causes?


There are many causes of low self-esteem, but some of them include:  an unhappy early life, stress and pressure, being bullied, difficult relationships, being discriminated against.


How can I help myself?


Here are some simple suggestions of ways to help to counter the effects of  low self-esteem:


  • Spend time doing a hobby that you enjoy

  • Build on positive relationships

  • Join an assertiveness class

  • Set aside time for exercise

  • Set achievable, but challenging goals for yourself

These ideas are extremely effective at increasing a sense of self-worth.


Counselling and Therapy


It important to think about the underlying causes of low self-confidence in order to make permanent changes, and talking to a counsellor or therapist will help you to understand why you feel the way that you do.  Counselling and therapy also help you to explore and develop additional ways of building your self-confidence that are unique to you.  


Please telephone me on 07865 28204 or email me at to arrange an initial appointment, or to seek further information on my counselling services in Oxfordshire.